Weekend at the Cabin

I spent the weekend with a buddy, JP, up at his cabin near Duchesne. He bought the cabin a couple of months ago and has been coming up every couple of weekends to work on it. I was recruited this weekend to perform various feats of manual labor in exchange for.... well, spending the weekend at the cabin. The cabin, although unfinished, was pretty nice. It sat 20 yards from a river and was bordered on two sides by towering canyon walls.



The labor turned out to be pretty light. I originally thought that I had been recruited to tear up the old linoleum in the cabin. But it turns out that we were hanging some light fixtures and patching a bunch of spots in the drywall that JP had ripped up a couple of weekends ago trying to locate the wiring.

I almost would have preferred ripping up the floor. It's hard to screw that up. Patching drywall on the other hand is much more challenging since you have to cut a new piece of drywall to fit exactly into the hole that you were patching. I got a little better with every piece that I did, but let's just say that I have no delusions about quitting my job as a Software Engineer to go hang drywall for a living.

My biggest blunder of the weekend had nothing to do with our construction projects. As I was stoking the fire in the wood burning furnace, I rested my hand for a split second (that's all it took) on the steel furnace doors. I have only two words to describe the experience: SEARING FLESH. I think that it might leave a scar.

Restless

OK, I'm ready for winter to be over already. I'm sitting at home right now wishing that tomorrow was going to be 75 and sunny and that I could be planning a trip on my bike right now. I'd even settle for driving my car somewhere. But anywhere within driving distance in the whole state is forecast to be cold and rainy tomorrow. Blah!

Other random thoughts:
1. Monday is Novelloween. That's where everyone at Novell brings their kids to work to go trick or treating. The halls bulge with little munchkins who make out like bandits since the offices are packed more densely into building H than houses generally are in suburban neighborhoods. Kids get a lot more candy for a lot less effort. A bunch of us stopped at Sam's club today at lunch to stock up on candy for the event. Between the 5 of us that went, we probably walked out of Sam's club with 30 or 40 lbs. of candy. It was disgusting.

2. I had my annual competency review today and it was determined that I am indeed competent. Hooray for me. I can't believe that they call them "competency reviews". The very phrase seems to imply that you are incompetent.

3. During my review I broached the subject of telecommuting. My boss said that he'd look into it but it didn't sound very promising. It was a tempting idea at first. When you spend all day locked in your office slinging code you can't help but wonder, "Why couldn't I do this from anywhere?".

But when I really started to think about it, it occurred to me that I easily spend a couple of hours a day directly interacting with other people. Whether it's reviewing someone else's code, helping a co-worker solve a problem, working with CPR, participating in a design team, soliciting feedback from co-workers, or just everyday communication and coordination, I spend a reasonable amount of time every day face to face with people. It wouldn't be impossible to do all of that remotely, but it would be much more difficult.

4. Some of you may have heard about the impending layoffs. Rumor has it that 10-20 percent of the company may be out of a job soon. The original rumor was that it was going to happen this past Tuesday. It didn't happen. The new rumor is that it will be next Wednesday. We'll have to see. I kind of just wish that they would get it over with already. Nobody likes to have that kind of thing hanging over their head. Oh and by the way, I think that I'm legally obligated to tell you when speaking about work matters on my personal blog that this blog represents my personal opinions and not those of my employer.

Reaching New Lows

I weighed in this morning at 268 lbs. This represents the lowest weight that I've been at in 8 years. About 5 years ago I had gotten down to the low 270's but I put all the weight back on after I got into a mountain bike accident and broke my collar bone.

Heft on Wheels

I just finished reading "Heft on Wheels" by Mike Magnuson. It is not among the normal genre of books that I would read, but after I discovered how much my friend Chris was inspired by the book I had to give it a shot. My copy of the book arrived in the mail on Friday evening and a day and a half later I have read the entire thing cover to cover.

The book was fairly light and easy reading, but it was a lot of fun. I think that it was particularly interesting to me since I could identify with Mike's fight against his weight and his desire to turn his life around. It was also fun because I was familiar with some of the geographical settings in the book: Milwaukee, Eau Claire, Mankato.

Competitive cycling isn't really my thing, but the way that Mike describes how he feels about cycling is very similar to how I feel about hiking. I'm tired of my weight getting in the way of things that I love to do. I almost laughed out loud as he described how he used to rationalize his comparative performance on a bike to his friends who were thinner and in much better shape:

So if I'm out there riding with you, and you think you're a badass cyclist, a hammer, a machine, and you're feeling all smug about yourself because you're a few hundred yards ahead of me on that long, long hill, let me tell you, buddy, if I can see you on the road ahead of me, if I'm anywhere close to you, I'm really kicking your ass.

It amuses me because I've had the same thoughts going through my head on the trail. Sure, some 19 year old punk just jogged past me up a 20% incline. But what is that guy, a buck twenty? He's not doing any work hauling his ass up this mountain. Thinking about it that way, I'm probably in better shape than he is or at least than he would be if he was hauling around all this extra weight. Yes, it's a rationalization. And yes, it's absurd.

The most depressing thing about reading the book though, was the realization that I am just now, after working my ass off to lose 55 lbs over the last 5 months, still 15 lbs heavier than where Mike was when he started his epic quest. It's not that I want to be content with where I am permanently. But it would be nice to be content for long enough to work up the motivation to lose the next 50 lbs. I'm not ready to hate myself that much yet.

Mistaken Identity

A couple of days ago I setup my web server so that it would run statistics on everybody that visits my site. It's something that I used to have running all the time but when my old webserver got hacked in february I didn't bother setting it up on my new server.

One of the things that the program tracks is the list of people that have linked to my site from their web page. Most of the time I will see a list of websites that I recognize, usually the blogs or personal websites of friends and family, but every once in a while I will discover that some random person on the internet has discovered and decided to link to my blog.

Whenever this happens I'm always curious to figure out who linked me and why. So, when I came across a link to my site from skazatraskazzz.blogspot.com, I was a little curious; all the more so because this was actually a person's blog and not just some random website.

When I first loaded the web page I quickly scanned it over and could not see any obvious references to me or my website. Even searching for the word "svoid" on the page produced no results. In a moment of brilliance it occurred to me that if the site had linked to mine then there would minimally need to be an href somewhere in the document that pointed to my site. So, I opened up the HTML source of the web page and searched one more time.

It turns out I was linked from the current article right at the top of the page. Hmm, I must of scanned past it in my cursory examination. The article was a bit lengthy so I decided to start reading from where my site was referenced rather than read the whole article from the beginning.

As I start reading I pick out that he's talking about two people called Dan and Holly. Wait, is he talking about me? I read a little further and he mentions a wedding in Mankato. Hmm, maybe he just picked up that detail from reading my blog. This must be a case of mistaken identity. Surely this person has got me and my blog confused with some other Dan that he knows.

I decide to start at the beginning. The poster mentions that he ran into an old friend of his on the previous weekend and that as he was talking to her (OK, maybe this is one of Holly's friends) some strange guy came up and put his arm around her. Wait, that could have been me at any point during the last weekend. Except that I don't remember running into any of Holly's friends. I'm racking my brain but I just can't remember.

He goes on to mention that the name of the fellow is John Abu-Saba. Who the hell is John Abu-Saba? That doesn't even sound like a real name. Is he speaking in code? Am I John Abu-Saba? I'm confused.

As I scan over the rest of the article I pick up a few more clues: the poster went to school at UW Eau Claire (the same place as Holly) and even makes mention to a party at Holly's apartment that I might have been at years and years ago. The only problem is that certain details don't add up. For instance, I didn't show up to the party with a bunch of friends and we didn't drink up all of the alcohol and leave.

I'm freaking out. What's going on here? Who the hell is this person and why are they telling lies about me?

As I reach the peak of my paranoid delusion (just before the black helicopters start to show up), I glance up in the upper right corner of the blog and notice the author's name. Andrew Fefer. Andrew Fefer? Sounds familiar... can't quite place it... Oh yeah, Andy! All of the sudden, everything becomes clear. Andy was (and still is) a good friend of Holly's from college.

I read over the article a couple more times and realize that Andy isn't even referring to running into Holly in his opening paragraph. It was someone else entirely different. John Abu-Saba is probably a real person and definitely is not me. As I read the article with a little more clarity, I feel silly that I ever thought that I might be. Oops, I guess that's what I get for starting in the middle of the article.

Twice Defeated

I attempted to climb to the top of Spanish Fork Peak for the second time this year via the Maple Canyon trail. In hindsight it really wasn't a very bright idea to attempt this hike in mid October. About 3 miles into the hike I found myself hiking through a mixture of mud and snow and dealing with near freezing gusts of wind. Still I put in a valiant effort.



I went a little further on this expedition then I did on my August Expedition and got up over the saddle where I could see all of Utah valley. I even climbed to the top of one of the smaller peaks and got this 360 degree video. Alas, when I tried to walk the last half mile along the ridge to Spanish Fork peak, I came to a spot that was impassable due to fallen trees and too much snow on the trail. I guess that I'll have to try again next year.

Penny For Your Thoughts

I had a girlfriend once, Christy, who had the most annoying habit. Whenever a period of silence lasted for more than 3 seconds, she would inevitably chime in with a phrase that came to haunt me, "Penny for your Thoughts". It was like a compulsion. She couldn't stand to think that I had thoughts going through my head that I wasn't sharing with her.

Over the course of our year-long relationship I became conditioned to prepare myself to respond to the inquiry, "Penny For Your Thoughts", any time that I drifted into a period of quiet reflection. I lived in constant fear of that question. To this day, even though Christy is long gone and all but forgotten, I still catch myself posing the question or imagining someone else posing the question to me, "What's on your mind?".

Of course, I realize how absolutely ridiculous that is. What does it even mean to interrupt your own thoughts to ask yourself what you're thinking about? That's the damage that has been done.

As I was writing my previous post, "Installment 1 (of ?)", something didn't feel quite right. It was a story that I really wanted to share with friends and family but I felt like I was taking liberties by including personal information that Holly shared with me.

After ruminating all day, it finally occurred to me that if I were not careful, I might be inflicting a "Penny For Your Thoughts" style psychosis onto Holly. Should she have to live in constant fear that anything she tells me might end up on my blog? Or that our personal experiences might end up on my blog? Would it affect the things that she says or does around me?

With that in mind, I don't think that I will publish "Installment 2" of my story. Sorry.

Installment 1 (of ?)

Poolhall Philosophy
A while back I was shooting pool in my basement with some friends from work and tried to describe to my friends my relationship with my teenage girlfriend, Holly. Although there were both good and bad memories, what I remember stressing to my friends was that the emotional magnitude of that relationship has gone unmatched in my life.

Some of the best and worst memories of my life are tied to Holly. I wondered myself, and posed the question to my friends whether or not the emotional magnitude was the result of the passionate relationship that I had with Holly or if it was the result of run-of-the-mill teenage romance? Does everyone remember their teenage love the way I remember Holly? Will I ever again in my adult life feel the depth of feeling that I felt when I was 17 and in love?

After a little bit of deliberation, in between shots at the pool table, we arrived at the conclusion that it was just a case of teenage romance. That kind of passion does not carry over into adult relationships.

History Lesson
Although I have talked with Holly on and off over the last 5 years of my life, I've spent very little time with her in person. The last time that I saw Holly was when I rode out to Milwaukee in 2003 for Harley's 100th Anniversary. I showed up to help her and her boyfriend move into a new apartment. Needless to say, there wasn't much opportunity for intimacy given the circumstance.

Our communication has always been a little spotty. We may go for several months where we communicate fairly regularly and then follow that with 6 months where we hardly talk at all. Frequently what resumes communication is when one of our birthday's come up. I have been sending Holly flowers on her birthday for the last couple of years now. It is usually followed shortly thereafter by a phone call or an email reinstating conversation between us.

This year was no exception. Several days after her birthday she called me up to thank me for the flowers. What was different about this conversation was that Holly seemed a little dissatisfied with her life. She was in the middle of training for a new job that she wasn't sure that she was going to enjoy and it sounded like things were on the rocks between her and her boyfriend. Over the course of a two hour long conversation, I felt as if she were saying to me: “Make me an offer. Give me a reason to leave.”

While I was on the phone with Holly, I was playing along and kind of flirting with her and encouraging her to make changes in her life and was even hinting that I might want to be part of what she changed her life to. As soon as I hung up and started thinking about the reality of the situation it scared the hell out of me. I had always reserved a spot for the idea of Holly and I getting back together in my abstract reality. But it was just that: abstract, distant, unreal.

Back in my present reality it occurred to me that it had been a really long time since the two of us had been together. The little bits of chit chat that we had participated in over the last couple of years didn't really make for a solid foundation for a relationship. Would we even still get along?

I can say with a near certainty that I placed a much greater significance on that phone conversation than Holly did. She had probably just had a bad day and needed to blow off steam. Still it felt like she had given me a little piece of string to pull on. If I had the desire to pull on it I might find that that little piece of string led to a larger prize. At the time I just didn't have the desire. Let me rephrase that, at the time I didn't have the balls. I was afraid of what I might find at the end of that string. It was easier to keep Holly in the abstract.

Writing Into the Void
I never followed up on that phone call. In fact that phone call marked the beginning of one of our “off” periods. I was crazy busy at work for most of the spring and it didn't even occur to me to email her for several months.

Sometime in July the itch struck up again. That not uncommon. I spend a lot of time traveling on my Harley over the summer and eventually I feel like sharing my adventures with someone. Holly is usually high on that list of people.

I sent her several short emails letting her know what I had been up to over the summer and asking how her new job was going. Several weeks passed without a response. Normally I won't bother writing a new email without getting a response to a previous one, but for some reason this summer I felt like writing Holly even when I wasn't sure that she was reading or even receiving the email that I sent her.

After a couple of emails sent like this I was beginning to feel like those scientists sending radio waves out into space in search of alien civilizations. It got to where I wasn't really expecting a response. I was just broadcasting my voice out into the nothingness. I sent her some pretty bizarre stuff under this guise. I remember in one email I told her about some dreams I'd had the night before. In one dream the two of us had gotten married. In another I was making out with my sister-in-law. Both were really bizarre.

I had always planned on going to Owen's wedding. But it had never occurred to me to bring a date until I received the official invitation addressed to “Dan and Guest”. The wheels in my head started turning. How fun would it be to go to a wedding with Holly? The wedding was even in Minneapolis, well within traveling distance from Milwaukee.

I broadcast another message into the void asking if Holly wanted to be my “Plus One” for Owen's wedding. I thought I was being really clever making a reference to an episode of “Sex and the City”; a show which I knew she watched and I had just started watching enough recently to make silly references to. I didn't really expect to get an answer to the message. It was just another message broadcast into the void. I wasn't disappointed. No response came.

Hello? This is the Void Returning Your Call
At least a month passed. I went on my vacation to Glacier National Park and rode the entire length of the Western Coast of the United States. No response from Holly. I spent a week in Barcelona for work. No response from Holly. Two weeks prior to the wedding and Dad was in town visiting. No response from... Wait. What's that flashing light on the answering machine? “Hi Dan. This is Holly. I'd love to go with you to your friend's wedding in Minneapolis...”. Holy Shit! She called back.

I panicked. The Void is not supposed to return your phone calls.

Fortunately, I already had a busy weekend planned with Dad. This gave me a good excuse not to call back right away. I spent the weekend alternating between states of elation and terror. It was really cool that she called up out the blue and said, “Yeah, lets go”. Just hearing her voice on the answering machine brought a smile to my face. On the other hand it was really terrifying that she called up out of the blue and said, “Yeah, lets go”. Even in my abstract reality I had imagined having to convince her at least a little bit.

Over the course of that weekend the notion of spending a weekend with Holly had settled in and didn't seem all that terrifying anymore. After all, nothing ventured, nothing gained. I figured that even if the weekend turned out to be a total disaster, at least I would have another “Holly” story to tell.

I gave Holly a call on a Monday evening; two days after she had left the message on my answering machine. Upon posing the pleasantry, “How are things going?” I was barraged with stories of how horrible and miserable her new job was and the negative affect that it was having on her life and well being. I was overwhelmed. It explained why she hadn't responded to any of my emails recently. She works from 7 until 5 or 6 everyday and is often double booked with appointments to see people who are applying for state benefits. She explained that she is so busy at work that she rarely even takes time for lunch.

With every new horrible detail that she told me I was more convinced that the plan of getting away for a weekend was a good one. Eventually I brought the conversation around to the trip. I used the computer to buy a plane ticket for her as we were still on the phone cementing the plans for the weekend.

It hadn't even occurred to me at first to fly her up to Minneapolis. But the more that I thought about it, the more it occurred to me that a 5 or 6 hour drive from Milwaukee to Minneapolis is a little grueling. Besides I thought it would “sweeten the pot” if she didn't have drive; even though she had already agreed to the trip when she had just assumed that she was going to be driving. And, I will guiltily admit, that I was a little anxious to “show off” the financial affluence that I had gained since graduating college.

The plan was now set in stone. The tickets were purchased and the hotel room was reserved. We were both taking the day off on Friday, flying into Minneapolis in the afternoon and leaving early Sunday evening.

Hot Date

I flew out to Mankato Minnesota this weekend to attend my friend Owen's wedding. My good friend Holly graciously agreed to be my date for the wedding and flew up from Milwaukee to join me. The weekend was euphoric. Even after all these years Holly still has an intoxicating effect on me. I hope to elaborate on the details in a different post. For now, it is late and I need to get to bed.



Click on the picture above to see more pictures from the weekend

P.S. - In case you are wondering after you look at the pictures, yes, I did actually rent a bright yellow "banana" mustang convertible for the weekend :) In my defense I didn't know that it was going to be yellow until we picked it up from the rental garage. Holly and I just busted out laughing as soon as we saw it. For a split second I considered exchanging it for a less offensive color. But then I asked myself, "How often to get a good excuse to drive around in a bright yellow mustang?".

Car Troubles

My trusty Cavalier of 10 years is starting to show signs of aging. Twice in the last week and a half, ironically both times while I was shopping at Albertsons, I've turned the key in my car's ignition and have been greeted by deafening silence. I was going to have the car looked at immediately after the first time that it gave me trouble, but Dad was in town and it seemed awfully inconvenient to be short a car when you have company. This was despite the fact that Dad tried to persuade me to bring the car into the shop.

Besides, the car started just fine the next day. I figured that it was an isolated incident. Every time that the car started just fine over the next couple of days made me all the more confident. I had been planning to take the car into the shop soon anyway. I figured that once I arrived at the abstract time in the future when it was convenient to drop my car off for a couple of days, I might mention to the mechanic that once upon a time I had trouble getting the car started. After all, it was just an isolated incident.

The moral of the story is that I deserved to get stranded at Albertson's tonight. That's what I get for being such a dumbass and not having the car looked at right away. Luckily, Marci was home and came to rescue me.

Does anyone want to take bets on whether or not I have really learned my lesson yet? Even as I am writing this post, I am thinking, "Hmm. I am heading out of town this weekend and have to drive to the airport. It would really be more convenient if I could just wait until I got back from Minneapolis before I take the car in. What are the chances that this could happen again before this weekend?". Is anyone available Friday afternoon to drive me to the airport?

Glutton for Punishment

I have now hiked to the top of Angel's landing twice this year. I was down in Zion for the weekend with my sister, Marci, my niece, Malina and my Dad. I took Friday off of work and Dad and I rode down to Zion National Park on highway 89. We met up with Marci and Malina who drove down separately in their car.

On Friday night we did a short hike on the Canyon Overlook trail. This morning we hiked the lower, middle and upper emerald pools and then started the Angel's landing trail with the intention of stopping at Scout's Lookout. Of course, once we were up at Scout's lookout, Marci couldn't resist hiking the rest of the way to Angel's Landing. So Dad stayed back with Malina while Marci and I continued our trek to the top.